That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
