I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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