I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
