you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
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I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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