it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
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she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
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BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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