you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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