I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I see more hoeing in ur future
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