Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
