no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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