Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
