420 ftw
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
