you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
