im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
