Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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