No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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