My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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