Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
