I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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