I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
someone owes me an orgasm
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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