Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
