apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
