I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
