Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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