whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
