You're my little dorito
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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