She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
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No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
tell me about the fingering
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