Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
