The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
