I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
