barbara walters just said penis...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
