they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
