too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
