when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
