they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
