I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize