Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
