Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
