My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
