I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
