he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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