I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize