there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
