The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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