Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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