I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
