Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
