Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i permit you to call me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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