there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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