I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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