Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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