we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
