She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
