My nipple is on Facebook.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
