The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
