I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You smell like a Billy Joel song
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
