You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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