I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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