i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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