based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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