Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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