i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
