I'm so fucking centered right now
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
