it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
