She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
