I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
