So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted