I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..