Intervention is following me on twitter.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?