your room smells of hookers.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I looked at my own cervix.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you made out with another girl for some wings
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.