You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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