apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize